First, gratitude to GOD for giving me life, to exist in exuberance and abundance. The idea to write this blog is inspired by series of my interactions with girls and women, over the last decade, who gradually molded me into what I am today. Do not get into the notion that this read is about a womanizer. Rather, this is about transformation of a self centered, introvert boy to a more sensible and matured man. I have tried my level best to stay candid as I write.
As I entered the last decade:
She was my first, approachable crush, my college mate. I always admire intelligence in my opposite sex. She was an add-on with beauty and simplicity. I had fallen for her. Though we had namesake conversation but whatever we had, would inspire me.
Then, an introvert me, didn't know what would make a girl happy. I thought to trade off intelligence with intelligence to wow her. It was a failed attempt because of my average intellect (you can make out from my strategy itself, how smart I was 😄). Four years passed and I couldn't confess her about my feelings.It was year 2010, beginning of last decade, one day, we interacted over instant messenger. I drew the courage to write, "I like you". She was silent for a moment but handled my nervousness well. She was a strong girl.
My "I like you" never converted to "I love you". One day, she openly gave me a hint of proposal, may be realizing my helplessness to confess. Coward me! backed off, cutting off connections with her to satisfy my false ego. Today, I want to say sorry to her but she is cold. May be that is the best way she can treat me!!!
Guys ! If this gets poignant, cheer up 👍. I have lots of fun stored in my post as well !!
The Real Love:
It takes time. It builds, layer after layer, on memories. This I learnt when I met a girl, now my wife Malvika, in 2012, with whom I have spent almost 8 years. This was the best gift the decade had offered me. A companion with whom I share all my nonsense. Many of you reading this, might be privileged to have better love story. I can proudly say we have a realistic one.
We met through family alliance. In our first talk, I could sense she was emotionally very fragile and soft. It is this quality of her's which make me love her each day, even today. I know she needs my emotional warmth and I try my best to fulfill it. She, on the other hand is a perfectionist who take care of all my unorganized mess.
As time flew, every thing went well. We moved to US an year after our marriage. It was all hunky dory till 2016 when I suffered a delusional disorder - reason still unknown. It went undetected for 1 year. During the time I misjudged every thing around me, even Malvika. I became harsh to her, which is the only thing I want to change in my past. She, on the other hand, stood by me, cared for me. She concealed all her frustrations and nurtured our 2 years old daughter then, all alone.She gestured true selfless love- THE REAL LOVE. I owe my thanks to her.
Now, after 8 years, Huh!! she controls me , directs me, irritates me, 😬 but she loves me !!
The girl who changed everything in me:
26th March 2015, Irvine, USA, 8:27am, our doctor Gigi Kroll ,announced "Congratulations!! You have become parents". Malvika still lay on operation bed chanting her mantras and the doctor handed me a new born angel, Ayantika, my daughter. Her innocent eyes were untainted and I sensed her trust in my arms. Her tender hands and feet were swaddled. It was a momentous transformation from a freak to a father. A miracle, I witnessed.
From,the day, till today I am maturing with her as she is growing. It started with changing her diapers to dancing with her in school on Father's Day, memories keep adding. Her faith in me is my strength.
I can write endlessly about Ayantika. May be I will share an independent blog on her. Father daughter bonding.
Below the Belt:
Men will be men. True is the case with me as well. My adventure streak took me to an adult bar on last day before I left USA in 2017. India calling. It was a treat to my eyes to what I saw there😵. Ladies in leather bra & g-string, studded set, were pole dancing. I galloped two shots of vodka and a beer to bring out audacity in my personality and be one with the place - sensuous.
A tap on my shoulder, "Need personal attention?". There stood a dazzling lady eye-lined and with rouge on her face. The atmosphere and vodka made me lose senses. I moved my figures around her shoulder without her consent. "Be free ! no one minds here" she said. I was too bold and she was exceptionally gratifying. We shared our cozy space.
The cameo sketched is only special moments. The decade is a long time. There were very special female friends who helped me, guided and motivated me when needed. Please excuse if I didn't mention you. You all have special place in my life.